Sunday, January 24, 2010


I hate men. They’re different from us. They don’t think like us. And they smell, sometimes good, usually bad – especially their feet.

Being of the single persuasion, for the past few years, I have been ‘out there’, looking for a companion, partner, love of my life – you get the idea. I’ve tried all of the online dating sites.. and every introduction e-mail I have received has gone the same way.. Here are a few examples:

From Italy:

You very pretty. I like to come to your country and lay with you. You make me happy, yes?

From Staten Island, NY


From California:

Praise Jesus! I have found you! I am searching for a woman to join my family. I believe that woman were placed on the earth, extracted from Adam’s rib, and placed here to take care of men. I am looking for a woman who is ready to take care of her man. I enjoy many wonders of life, and need a woman to clean my house and watch my children as I go out and enjoy the many gifts that God has bestowed upon me.

From Connecticut:

Yea, hello. You look pretty lonely, you would be very lucky to spend a day with me. We would first do a few things that I enjoy – I really don’t care what your needs are – you should just be grateful to spend some time with someone of my caliber. Do you make more money than I do? That’s good, we will use your cash to maintain a lifestyle I am accustomed to, and I will use my money for my personal needs. Remember, Your money is OUR money, and my money is MY money.

It all falls into that area, basically. I don’t understand. Where are all the men who know how to treat a woman with respect? Where are all the men who want someone they can carry on a conversation with – and not just get a hand job and leave? I have tried all of the websites – so it’s not just one. I have written and re-written my profiles, using all of the hints they gave me. I’ve been to church, and most of the single men there are sitting in the corners, chatting with the 85 year old women, then they run out as soon as the service is over. I’ve been to bars – don’t EVEN get me started. I’ve walked around everywhere with a smile on my face, my hair done and making eye contact. I have told all of my friends to introduce me to their single, male friends – and either they have no single, male friends, or they don’t want to be responsible for helping me meet someone, and have it not work out. I’ve gotten on with my life, doing things that I enjoy doing, striving to achieve goals for myself and my girls. One could definitely say that my life is full, just taking care of the girls, and working a full time-demanding job.

But there is something missing. Once the girls are in bed, and the laundry is folded and the dishes are done, there’s me and the couch – and I think that the couch is getting bored with my chatter about my day. There’s going out to dinner, with the girls – and me sitting chatting away with them – but, it’s also like going out alone. We go to the bathroom, and they bus our table. There’s the Christmas decorations outside, which are still up – mid January – because I don’t want my neighbors seeing me take them down by myself.

I am not trying to make this a ‘pity party’ note – I just really don’t understand. How does a single, fairly independent and intelligent person meet another such person? I’m not looking for a quickie – those, while fun for a time, do get old after about the 50th or 60th occurrence (okay, maybe the 5th or 6th – just trying to not sound too pathetic). I’m searching for that person, you know.. when something good happens at work, you want to call them and tell them about it – because you know they will be happy for you. The person who will always remember to call you, text you and send you flowers on your birthday. The person who will always laugh at your jokes, will always make you laugh and who will never make you cry. The person who you can sit on your couch with and watch a movie – who will instinctively grab your feet and start rubbing them, or who will sit so close to you that your body temperature goes up a few degrees. The person who knows how you feel about politics, religion, child rearing and even if they don’t agree, they respect your opinions and will support your decisions – and who will publically support your decision – even if it makes them look a little silly. And the person who is honest with you – and never goes behind your back – and respects you.

I get it I get it! Men are from mars, Women are from Venus.. I’ve read the book, I understand that men are different from women. I know that women are more emotional, and talk about their feelings more. I know that men basically ask themselves a few main questions:

Can I eat it?

Can I sleep on it?

Can I play with it?

Can I eat it?

I understand that women are needy and need that emotional connection, and that most men cannot share their emotions the way a woman can – but there has to be some kind of middle ground. I mean, look at famous couples who have been together for years… how do they connect? How have they been able to stay together for all of these years? How is it that all of these romantic movies have made so much money? Are they all a sham? A gimmick? A ploy to bring in people, mostly women, and men being dragged in by their women? What is the answer? Are all men just cavemen, looking to conquer a beautiful woman with a small waist and rounded hips? Are all men just self-involved idiots, who are entirely focused on their needs, and women are just objects, put on the plane to take care of them and their world, while they sit in judgment of them and all they do? Or are there actually men out there – who want an equal partner – someone to really share their life with them, share hopes, dreams, joys and pains. I hope so. Because I know that I can handle this journey alone – but it would really be great to have a co-pilot.

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